Review : Release, by Patrick Ness

It’s Patrick Ness, I shouldn’t even be surprised to realize I loved this book so damn much.

I truly think this book is only about a few things : friendship, heartbreak, brotherhood, acceptance, and realizing blood doesn’t mean family.

#F R I E N D S H I P

You could say I loved the friendship between Angela and Adam, it was probably one of the purest things ever. In your life you always have this one friend you can talk about anything and everything with . . . that’s who Adam and Angela are for each other, this very special friend. They have each other’s back, they don’t feel the need to judge what the other does . . . they’ve been friends for so long they don’t even need the other to say it out loud when something is wrong, they just know.

“I don’t know why you’re lying to me.” She took his hand and held it, just like that day they’d turned over in the car. “But maybe that’s what you have to do to stay alive right now, so that’s okay. If you ever fall, I’m here to catch you. Or not, actually, you’re a giant, but I’m here to at least watch you fall and then get bandages.”

#H E A R T B R E A K

Adam’s heart is broken. Broken by his first love and by his family. It’s just broken and it won’t heal, no matter what he does. And the thing is, he doesn’t even know why it’s still broken.
Adam was in relationship with a guy once – stupid asshole – who made him feel like the most amazing and beautiful person in the world . . . just before crushing him and making him feel worthless. I don’t think you can call this an abusive relationship, but it wasn’t healthy. Enzo kept on taking and taking and taking without ever giving. He didn’t care about what it was like to be Adam. He told Adam he loved him and then he took it back. He took it all back. Made him feel unloved. Even when Adam is in a relationship with amazing Linus – my precious savage son – he’s still heartbroken and afraid.

But then Linus noticed the tears squeezing out of Adam’s eyes on either side and, with gentleness, brushed them away. “Adam?”
“Please don’t leave me unloved,” Adam answered and cried some more, ashamed.

Then we have Adam being heartbroken over his family . . . his family who just won’t accept him the way he is . . . a family who truly thinks that praying will ‘heal’ their son of his gayness, a family who scared this son away. You’re supposed to love your child unconditionally, no matter what . . . you’re not supposed to make him feel unloved.

“Do you love me?” Adam asked.
“More than my own life,” his dad said, immediately.
“But you don’t want to have to do anything with that love. You don’t want it to have to work.”
“You have no idea how much I work to love you.”
And there it was, the blow after all.

Last thing. When your son comes to you and say his boss is sexually harassing him, don’t say he asked for it. Never. How could you do that to your own son?

“Making myself available?” he said, feeling the fury rise. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
His dad looked up sharply, angrily. “Do not use language like that in God’s House.”
“But it’s okay to accuse your son of leading his manager into sexual harassment bordering on outright assault?”
“I’m just saying, maybe unconsciously-”
“I’m seventeen. He’s my gross boss with a gross moustache and looks like a road so well travelled I need to wash my hands after just being near him.”
“You let him put his hands on your thighs.”
This landed like a slap. The words of blame he had put on his own self, now coming out of the mouth of his father.
“So I was asking for it,” Adam said, his mouth dry. “Is that what you’re saying?”

#B R O T H E R H O O D

I wasn’t the biggest fan of Marty at first, but I knew he wasn’t truly bad. He said some stupid shit he learned from his dad, but that wasn’t him speaking, it never was him. And when he finally realized he had to think for himself, I wanted to hug him and say something like « You go Glen Coco » just because I felt like it.

“I’ve committed my life to this. I’m not perfect, bro, far from it, but I know that love can be perfect. I just . . . I want you to know that I know I’ve been doing what they’ve been doing. For too long. I’ve put conditions on you. I’ve looked at you with pity.”
“I know. It’s been a carnival of delights.”
“And I’m sorry for it, Adam. I can’t say sorry enough. But my world isn’t safe if I can’t love my own brother. That’s what it really felt like today. And that’s not a world I can live in. So I love you, Adam. And whatever help you need from me to fix all this with Mom and Dad . . . Well, you go it.”

#A C C E P T A N C E

At some point, enough is enough. You can’t be treated like shit all your life. You can’t pretend everything is okay when it’s not. You can’t look like you’re happy when you’re definitely not.
At some point you have to move on, you have to let go. You have to admit what you once had is gone. You have to do what’s good for you.

“I hoped and hoped and hoped. For a year and a half. And then he dumped me. For the worst, stupidest reasons. And I guess . . . I guess I still hoped. Even when I knew I shouldn’t. Even when I had better things right in front of me.” He looked over at Linus. “He was the first way out for me. The first way out of all the rest of this stuff that races and races. The first window to a world thatcould be, a world I’m kind of desperate for. And he had my heart, I admit that.”

#B L O O D D O E S N T M E A N F A M I L Y

When Adam finally saw how toxic his parents were, when he realized he had people waiting for him to ask for help . . . that’s when he understood his parents weren’t his real family. Because you create your family with people who deeply love you no matter what. People who won’t think less of you for who you are.

“And I’m going from here to meet Angela. And I’m going to the party with her. And I’m not going to stop seeing my boyfriend.”
“Yes, you are.”
And here, Adam did something he couldn’t ever remember doing. He stepped towards his father, as a physical challenge, a show of the bravery his anger was making him feel but which he knew would run out fast.
His father, astonished, stepped back.
“Do you know why I’m going to do all those things?” Adam said. “Because they’re my family. They love me. They are who I go to when things are hard. That hasn’t been you for years, Dad, and do you really never wonder whose fault is that?”
“I am your father-”
“A father with conditions. I have to be a certain way to be your son.”
“Through prayer, everything is possible-”
“I don’t know, I’ve prayed for years to change your heart. Nothing’s happened so far.”

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Also I would like to quickly mention the side story . . . at first I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not, but thought out the book I saw how much sense it made. This story just had to be here. And I really ended up liking it!

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This book made me cry. I found myself so much in Adam, and I just wanted to hug and protect him. I wanted things to be okay for him.

5 / 5

That’s it for today, I’ll see you soon, have a nice day guys 🌻