sometimes I wonder why I decided to do this to myself. I mean, the first month, I thought I was extra tough, a real badass, but then my dad brought me back to earth by saying this: ‘you started this when you knew you’d get books for Hanukkah and Christmas, of course it’s not hard’ and as much as I hate to admit it, he was right. completely and utterly right.
now, let me leave the video I did to explain why I decided to go on such a long book buying ban. I still stand by what I said, and I’m dead set on seeing this through. at first I thought I’d update y’all with a video at the end with my feelings, month by month, but I think (as you can see) that after all I’m going to do a mid-check up here, which is what I’m doing now, and then a general video at the end.
so, if you don’t feel like watching the video, which I completely understand, let me tell you that I started this challenge on December 1st, so I’m now nearly halfway thought this, and I have feelings. not all positive and not all negative. just some feelings.
let’s start with the negative ones to get them out of the way. so. I’m someone who loves to buy books when I feel bad. I also love to buy and read new releases quite fast. so not being able to do that, it’s making me sad. which is kinda dumb, but sometimes I just get this urge to buy a book and I can’t. it’s not that terrible, it’s really the only thing that makes me sad, seeing everybody buying and reading the books I’m excited for.
but I think there are really good sides to what I’m doing. first of all, because I was just talk about my friends reading the books I’m excited for, it allows me to see their reactions and maybe see if this or this book is really for me. it pushes me to pick up some of the books I’ve owned for years, to focus on the books I own instead of all the books that are just getting released. it also means that I’m able to put money aside, or buying something I wouldn’t have been able to buy when all my money went in my books. it’s nice to look at my bank account and see that, damn, I have money. it’s also teaching me that I do not need to buy all the books all the time, that maybe I can buy a book because I want to read it the moment I get it, to be more in the moment.
I still think these months to come won’t be easy, because they’ll be stressful and buying books is my coping mechanism, and I have this pure feeling of joy whenever I get a new book…but I can do it. I truly think I’m doing something good.
that’s it for today, I’ll see you soon, have a nice day 🌿